Joe Lieberman, Please Eat Shit and Die (Slowly)

By Ray Richmond

Okay, Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut (the “I” clearly stands for “Irrelevant”), you win. If your goal was to convince me and the American people that you’re a mangy, mealy-mouthed, Smurf-like, fossilized piece of walrus vomit, congratulations. You’ve convinced me. In the darkest depths of Hell, the halls are bedecked with your portrait, smiling that bloated little android chipmunk smile that seems to say to the world, “I’m a pathetic little trapezoid-shaped turd of a politician who is so far up the ass of Big Insurance that my entire grotesquely misshapen bulb of a head has started to turn the color of rancid salami.”

You will find Sen. Lieberman wherever houseflies gather. He’s drawn to the stench of excrement because it so reminds him of the breath he wastes when justifying why he is somehow morally, ethically and constitutionally incapable of voting for a bill designed to fix a hopelessly broken health care system and provide millions of uninsured Americans with a ray of hope for the future and tens of millions more with a way to pay for medical care without going broke.

The thing you have to know about Senator Joe is that he is absolutely, exclusively and unequivocally in the Joe Lieberman business to the exclusion of everyone else. He never was a true Democrat. He’s not even a Republican. What he has done with the label “Independent” is transform it now and perhaps forever into a synonym for “Self-Serving Asswipe.” He doesn’t just give Jews a bad name; he soils Caucasians, politicians (not an easy thing to do), the name “Joe,” the surname “Lieberman,” married people, fathers and indeed humanity itself. He’s a power-mad putz doing the bidding for Big Business, taking a hatchet to everyday Americans eagerly and without the thinnest shred of conscience.

First, Lieberman the Lapdog vows not to vote for the health care bill if there’s a government-run public option. Why? Utterly unclear. Something about bankrupting the country. Hmmm…Where did we hear that one before? Oh yeah, when we bailed out the banks. That turned out splendidly, didn’t it? But it’s called a public option, not a public must do it. It’s called tossing people who need it a long overdue life preserver. But that simply isn’t part of Senator Shmoe’s agenda, having as he does a vested interest in flipping them overboard instead.

But not even this is enough for this cloying collection of parrot droppings. He then decides to take to the Sunday morning airwaves yesterday and vow to vote against any health care legislation that includes an expansion of Medicare to allow a buy-in for those aged 55 to 64…as well as any fallback version of a public option. Why? Because the prick is owned outright by the insurance companies. They promise Lieberman whatever he wants so long as any legislation that enables Americans to steer clear of the greed-mongering insurance congloms is erased from the bill.

None of this would much matter, of course, saving for the fact that Lieberman (that’s “Lie-berman”) is the Senate’s swing vote, the 60th, filibuster-proof one who stands potentially between passage and defeat. Small wonder the twit thinks it’s all about him. It’s what he’s told every day. Why would he think any different? An arrogant pretend-moderate is somehow cast as the most important and powerful guy in the country, in some ways more important a voice than the President himself.

I’ve just fucking had it with this flip-flopping slime bucket. Pardon the raw language, but it’s the mildest I can be when discussing Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, the jerkoff who puts the “con” in “Connecticut.” For years, he conned everyone into believing he leaned left when all he does – and all he’s ever done – is bend over. He has traded his voice for a truck full of cash and a pair of lips stuck to his buttocks. If people wind up dying because his unquenchable ego and lust for power are all that matter to him, so be it. He is a little man who is small in every way, a turncoat who has abandoned his party, shucked his responsibility, sold off his allegiance and deserted his people in their greatest hour of need.

And for what? Evidently, it’s so Senator Joe can be the story, can be bigger than the issue, can become part of the historical fabric – the consequences of his actions, or inactions, be damned. What is more unctuous still about Lieberman is that he thinks he can continue to have it both ways, that he can talk one way and walk another. He is, thus, the worst kind of political scoundrel, one who lacks even the simple honesty to embrace his own convictions. The press marvels at his seeming courage to stand against the tide, but it’s a mere illusion. The real Joe Lieberman is as predictable as the sunrise – that is, playing the wolf in sheep’s clothing role to the hilt. In every profession but politics, they would call this a phony. But in Washington, snake oil salesmen are the mainstream.

We already know that the literal meaning of the term “politics” is, “The science of convincing a segment of the population that you are not in fact beholden to the special interests that control you.” But Jackass Joe has taken it a step further. He seems not only to buy into the deception but also to believe the delusion as fact. His reward should be a special wing in Hell.